Grace Valentine (larkir) wrote,
Grace Valentine

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been a long time since I came around~

I guess it's weird to look at it this way. Okay, more than weird, probably absolutely crazy. But I guess I'll preface with the fact that my self-esteem has never been great. I went from 110 pounds up to 200 pounds in two years, then took a year and a half three years later to lose that weight. I'm anywhere from 125-135 now, and that number bounces back and forth a bit because my metabolism hates me. Or something like that. That part's not as important.

For the last year, I've been doing freelance modelling - for a few companies, for a few random things.. mostly portfolio shoots. I've done 3 runway shows, 1 commercial and 1 company flyer, among other things. Every time, the routine's the same, to the point where you can do some of it in your sleep. Makeup, outfit, wig (if you have one), lights testing, shoot, go home. It's a fairly simple routine, and it's one I repeat a few times a month.

Lately though, it's gotten a lot more difficult. That self-esteem's been getting in the way a lot lately, and I feel like it's been showing through more and more. So earlier today, I went to get a family picture taken with a photographer I like to shoot with (second mom ♥) and didn't really bother with anything. I didn't want to bother with makeup, and I really didn't want to think about the end result anyway. Hey, one, two, cheese! and everyone's smiling for a family photo op for the Christmas cards, right?

So when I stuck around afterwards to talk to a friend (another model, coming in for a shoot), I suddenly became a test model for a new light the studio had just gotten. No makeup or anything, but I figured there wouldn't be photos anywhere either. I was happy to fool around and hang out until I had to leave.

So.. about an hour ago, I got these photos back. I had no idea they were coming, but when I started seeing them, I started to tear up. Why? Because I was looking at pictures of myself, almost no retouching, and they were beautiful.

This is me. ♥ No makeup, my eyebrows haven't been done, I'm in my everyday clothes and I think this picture's beautiful, because... it's just me.

Like I said at the top of this, I guess that's weird to look at it that way, but to look at a photo of myself and have that sort of 'wow' moment when you realise that you don't always need the makeup, or the wigs, or the flashy outfit... :') That's special. I hope everyone gets to feel like that at least once in their life. ♥
Tags: personal
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